Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Face Palm: It's A PSA

Some things need no explanation:

Why do women love chocolate?  'Cause it's loaded with FAT, making it all nice and creamy and even though I know it's bad and will do awful, dimply things to my thighs I eat it anyway!  It keeps me from doing stuff that's illegal...like committing murder.  Duh.

Some things defy explanation:

Why does Nathan Lane, who's obviously a man, sound like a woman?  (This question courtesy of Captain Studly)  I replied 'Cause he's talented!'

Some things, however, require lots of explanation...and pictures.  With that in mind, I give you:

A PSA: How to adjust adjustable-waist pants
(you can thank me later)

Now, before you go gettin' all scared, these are just pants y'all..not Roseanne Barr in a thong.  You'd be surprised what'll set some folks off.

When you fold down the waistband, you can see the white tabs and button that comprise the adjustable waist mechanism.  You may call these whatever you like: doomaflatchies, thingamabobs, doodads, dingfawds.  But if you really want to sound uptown, you say 'adjustable waist mechanism'. 

In order to make this work, you have to pass the button through the precut slit in the elastic to release the button.  Can you unbutton Tom Selleck's shirt?  Faster than you can say 'Jack Sprat!'  Oh, wait, I meant can you unbutton YOUR shirt?  This isn't brain surgery...and yes, I can do it.  Refer to the next photo...

See, easy-peasy.  And look y'all, I didn't even break a nail.

Now, here's where it gets a little tricky and I guess a little elastic bio is needed.  Ooo-kay.  See, elastic
s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s when you pull it.  Like taffy, only without the sugar and sticky.  So, even if one end of the waist adjustment doomaflatchy, I mean adjustable waist mechanism, is sewn down, by the magic of science you can still pull said elastic to practically the moon and back without breaking a sweat.  Pulling the elastic on each side will, voila, help to tighten (or in my case, loosen) your pants.  Genius!!

Do you need a rest?  I know, I know this is some tough shit stuff.

Okay, once you've got the elastic pulled to a level of comfort you can handle (and here's where you should know, if you're turning blue, it's too damn tight), push the button back through the precut slit thereby ensuring that your hard work won't be for naught.  Repeat with the other side. 

Presto!  Now your britches won't hit the deck 'round your cankles.  Feel free to worship me at your leisure.

Sigh...some days it just doesn't pay to chew through the restraints.


  1. That is so funny because I was wearing a pair of pants with an adjustable waist tonight that I had to tighten! I could have used this PSA before I got dressed! (JK). But I appreciate the help, really.

  2. How come they don't make jeans like that?