Thursday, May 31, 2012

Thursday Tidbits

Today's a day of celebration in our house.

It's our 15th wedding anniversary!  Add almost 5 years of dating and you come up with 20 years of driving one another to the brink and back again.  Whohoo, that lucky devil!  Here's what DH sent me today...

I've told the man over and over and over not to send me flowers.  So glad he didn't listen!  He won't remember that these are the same color I carried in my bouquet but it's certainly a nice coincidence.

Our daughter has finally decided that she is a girl.  Oh, sweet hallelujah!  She's asking for dresses and skirts...oh, my!  And look at what she picked up at the grocery...

You won't believe the amount of crap I had to take to get this shot!  On the way home we got into a discussion about age.  She told me I've only been alive 7 years and you've only been alive for 22 Mom and that's not old.  Sigh.  I think this child is my favorite.  Actually, no my favorite child is the dog but mistaking me for 22 certainly scores you brownie points.

On a side note, the packages for my FBFs Giveaway are in the mail...hooray!  Hopefully, they'll arrive at their new homes this weekend.

Happy Thursday, y'all!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Last Call

I'm still waiting to hear from Michelle of My Life in Quilts about her win on my FBFs Giveaway.  If I haven't heard anything from her by Wednesday May 30 at 2 p.m. Texas time, I'll have the number cruncher pick another name.

Here's what's waiting for Michelle...

Happy quilting, y'all!

Monday, May 28, 2012

We Have Winners!

Here are the two lucky winners of the FBFs Giveaway chosen by a random number generator!  It's you actually think the kids are awake to help draw names?!

Michelle from My Life In Quilts wins this bundle of goodies...

Mary from Made With Love By Mary gets this one...

Ladies, please email me the relevant shipping info and I'll get them in the mail ASAP!

Thanks to everyone for following my blog and for playing along.  More giveaways are in the works so come back often and enjoy the insanity!

Happy quilting, y'all!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Rearranging The Rearrangement

For Mary, who asked for more red...


#5 what?  Five options for one quilt!  Will it be option 1, 2, or 3 or option 4 or 5?  I'm making this for a baby boy.  Does that change anyone's choice?  As always, opinions are welcome!

Happy quilting, y'all!

Rearranging My Arrangement

Sounds like I'm contemplating plastic surgery, doesn't it?  I probably should but I'm too cheap and I hate pain.  No, I'm trying to decide on an arrangement for a baby quilt.  Mom gave me leftover squares from a previous project and I was in the mood to just sew something today.  Ever been in one of those moods?

These are the arrangements I've got.  What do you think?  Which one's your favorite?



Go ahead, throw in your two cents worth!  I thought I knew what I liked, but now I'm not too sure.

Happy quilting, y'all!

Friday, May 25, 2012

So Done!

It's Friday and I have some finishes....WHOHOOOOOO!!!

I completed binding two quilts, one of which has already been delivered to its very happy recipient.

Somehow, I managed to miss getting a picture of this baby quilt once the binding was done.  Oh, well...

This is the other finish.  It started as a panel and I added borders until I was happy.  It's a nice-sized kid quilt.  I'm not a huge fan of panels but this was fairly quick and I used it to practice free-motion quilting on my Mom's quilting machine.

And this is the final finish of the week...

Yep, it's the last day of school!  #2 looks possessed and by the time I got them deposited at school I was almost convinced it was a fact.  I hope against hope she's a tad sweeter when I pick them up :\

Don't forget about the FBFs Giveaway.  Hop on over, become a follower and leave a comment for a chance at some fun goodies as my way of saying 'thank you' to everyone that follows my family's escapades.

I'm linking to Richard Quilts and Confessions of a Fabric Addict and Amy Lou Who.

Remember the reason we're celebrating on's about honoring those who've died defending our freedom and not getting falling down drunk (hellooooo!?).  Fly the flag with pride and say thank you to all our men and women in uniform!

Happy quilting, y'all!


Thursday, May 24, 2012

FBFs Giveaway

It's hard to believe I've been boring the socks off folks in blogland for two years now with my kids' antics, quilting adventures and general whining and that a few days ago I logged my 200th post.  My, how time doth fly, eh?

This is the kids' last week of school (can you hear them cheering?) and summer vacation officially starts at noon tomorrow (can you hear me weeping?).  I've been doing a little spring cleaning in ye olde sewing area while they're at school and have unearthed some treasures.  To be perfectly frank, I've gotta lotta crap, y'all!


To celebrate my blog's milestones (which is a miracle 'cause I couldn't even keep track of the kids' when they were little), I'm giving away two packets of goodies to my faithful blog followers (FBFs).

Each packet has two quilting books, four fat quarters and a fabric panel.  Behold....

A disclaimer here: the books aren't new.  They are either USED (if you're a redneck) or PRE-OWNED (if you fancy yourself a tad more refined).  They're in really good condition because I'm anal about taking care of my stuff.  Yes, I said anal.  It means 'particular', you philistine.  Snicker if you must.

Here are the rules (stop whining!):

1.  You gotta be a follower.  I won't make you drink Kool-Aid, but you gotta follow my blog.  Telling me you follow along through some blog clearinghouse DOES NOT COUNT!!  I must see your shining, happy face in my followers group on the right side of the screen.  Just sayin'!

2.  Leave a comment telling me you're a follower to be entered.  Dropping a comment about how fabulously funny I am won't hurt your chances either.  Just kidding.  Oh, I'm not!

3.  If you're a no-reply type, I gotta have a way to contact you.  Leave contact info.

The giveaway is open to international friends too so don't fear I'm gonna go all cheap on ya and refuse to shell out to ship to wherever you call home!  I might go all scientific and use a random number generator to pick a winner or stay totally redneck and have one of the Co-Defendants choose a number from a hat.  Either way, it'll be fair and square.

And because I hate long engagements, the giveaway closes Monday May 28th at 9 a.m. Texas time.  Don't dawdle!

As always, thank you FBFs for your comments and encouragement.  I'm having a lot of fun!

Happy quilting, y'all!


Sunday, May 20, 2012


I've always been one of those people for whom face-to-face verbal exchanges are nothing short of excruciatingly painful.  Plainly put:  I hate to talk.  Nuance, undercurrent, irony and body language are lost on me and I'm left with a vague sense of unease...much like a rider who's left standing at the stop in an unsavory part of town watching the safe haven of the bus as it rumbles down the road.  Things are, to my way of thinking, so much better in print.  Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that and fortunately, I'm smart enough to appreciate that fact.

I'm a 'muller', a think it out to its conclusion type of person.  Not to be confused with a mullet, that awful hairstyle made famous by Billy Ray Cyrus, bless his hick heart.  My Dad recently referenced a childhood habit of mine where I'd chew the same mouthful of food for what seemed like an eternity.  To him, this only made the morsel bigger.  For me, it was a matter of making it smaller and easier to tolerate on the way down.

You say po-tay-to, I say po-tah-to.  Each of us is our own microcosm of idiosyncrasies.  It's what makes us interesting...or irritating...or intolerable.

I've been thinking a great deal lately about WHY I'm overweight.  It would be simple (and as it turns out, wrong) to say it's too much food and not enough exercise.  It's far harder to type it out and say it's because I allowed it to happen.  I couldn't stop the unkind words that pelted me day in and day out for four hellish years.  I hated getting up in the morning, knowing the snide comments that were in store and dreading if I ever got caught alone.  I remember my parents showing up on campus in an attempt to fix Dad's frustration and anger and my Mom's upset.  Did it help?  Not particularly, but it somehow made the whole experience 'okay' because they'd made a stand on my behalf and it gave me just a teensy bit of confidence to make a stand for myself.  At the end of those four years, I was outta there, through, never to return.  And I haven't gone back, not once, not even to drive past. 

Not physically anyway.

Mentally, I packed it all up and made a decision to carry it forward into what is now my present life.  I didn't even have the mental foresight to pack it in wheeled suitcases, for Pete's sake!  Oh no, no,no...not me.  I found the sturdiest, stoutest set of mental luggage possible, the kind that bangs into your ankles with every step.  In-de-struc-tible.

I've carried it with me for twenty-two years and used it to build a wall around myself where no one gets in unless I let them.  Like the Great Wall of China, only shorter and squishier.  Somehow, by making myself bigger physically, I thought I'd insulate my feelings, but of course that doesn't fly now does it?  But, as it turns out, I'm a fairly funny fat girl. 

I hate her.  I hate that I let it go on this long.  I hate that as smart as I am, I've repeatedly and with exceptional enthusiasm, made stupid choices because it hurt too much to give a good long hard look at what was really bothering me.  It's not the unkind words or food that's made me this way.  It's me.

Dear Hubby, after almost twenty years together, has learned with a fair degree of accuracy, how to read my moods and can gauge his response accordingly.  Am I sporting that bug-eyed, teeth-bared look?  Then it's time for him to give the wide-eyed holy shit look and slowly back out of the room.  More often than not, it's a pat here, a forehead kiss there, a hug while I snivel and an occasional "Did I do it?" thrown in for good measure.  I've married myself a good man, y'all.  He knows when I say "I'm working something out" to just let it be.  It's not something he can or should fix even though it goes against every male instinct to fix the problem and move on to something more interesting.  Like NASCAR or nooky.

I've been giving myself some swift kicks and decided while I can't change Then, I can change Now.  It's sufficient for me to say I am enough.  Whether someone else believes I am or not, isn't my concern.


Friday, May 18, 2012

Almost Finishes

Lately it seems the quilting inspiration has left me as I have absolutely no desire to look at, let alone touch, my sewing machine.  Weird, huh?  Even my husband has commented on my lack of creative progress.
Giving up sewing for Plants vs. Zombies?  he asked the other night.  No, Smarty-pants but I have  acquired quite the collection of zombie-killing plants!  I'm creatively killing there!!

I did tie off threads on two quilts last night...both baby/kid sizes for gifts.  I know I should probably be in there cutting binding but....meh. 

What an awful feeling.  I hope it doesn't last very long.

Mom's busily sewing away on the bags she stuffs with goodies for the local crisis pregnancy center...only seven more to go!


Lining fabric

Co-Defendant #1 is away on his school camping trip and should be back this afternoon.  You'd think #2 would be over the moon to have us all to herself, but no, she misses her Bubbie terribly and can't wait for him to be home.

I give 'em 10 minutes before the bickering starts.  Call me optimistic.

I'm gonna sit here a bit longer and contemplate cutting binding....and then go kill some zombies.

Linking up to that nice lady, Sarah at Confessions of a Fabric Addict.

Happy quilting (zombie hunting) y'all!


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day Humor

Wishing you a Happy Mother's Day from Texas! 

My shirt sums it up for my household...

Whether they grew under your heart or in it, whether they're still little or all grown up (or think they are), whether they've passed on or are still with you, may you have an awesome Mother's Day because...


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Oh, You Stinker!

I got a lovely package in the mail today from my blogland friend, Mary, as a thank you for sending USMC fabric her way for an upcoming project.  What a nice surprise as these days 'surprise' usually involves a call from the principal. 

Look at this unassuming package and then gaze upon all the awesomeness inside...and I will say I walked with dignity to the mailbox...and smiled and hummed a jaunty tune all the way back!

Did I rip the package to shreds?  I think NOT!

This is a 12 piece (OH!) fat quarter collection from Connecting Threads (MY!) called Birchtree Lane (GOODNESS!).  It reminds me of our local park with all the lush pecan trees and the river running beside it...oh, the ideas are swirling 'round in my head.

And look at's orange sherbet of the fabric variety.  I've only ever made one quilt with orange in it, but I absolutely love it and hoard it for that 'perfect' project.  Aren't these gorgeous?!  A spool of Aurifil (a brand I've never used before, but am excited to try), orange polka dots and a gorgeous sunflower batik (which my daughter is it sister!).  Be still my heart...I am in quilter's heaven!  I stood in the backyard photographing everything and squealing the whole time.  If the neighbors weren't convinced of my apparent mental instability, it's no longer up for debate. 

Thank you Mary, you didn't have to do that...but I'm sooo glad you did!

Happy quilting, y'all!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Will Work For Fabric

I confess I'm not a fan of the commercial where people get paid with chewing gum.  I mean really, chewing gum?  These folks need to take a page from my Mom's book!

Mom used to pay me actual currency to watch the house, feed the pets and generally keep an eye on things when they went out of town.  Don't ask me why she felt compelled to pay..I'm happy to do it and it's really no big deal.  Then all of a sudden, she started paying me in fabric.  I am one happy quilter!

This time around, I got paid in advance...check it out!

Polka dots from the Berenstain Bears collection.  SQUEAL!!  How can you not love polka dots?  They're so happy and no one ever thinks of telling them perhaps they need to go on a diet because they're a little TOO round.  I'm hoarding these like a doomsday prepper hoards canned goods!

Then there are the times Mom goes on a quilt retreat without me...I swear I don't know HOW the woman manages to have a good time.  She must feel guilty because she usually brings me back a stash of fiber wonderfulness...

I absolutely love the yellow fabric.  I must tell one of those 'I am an idiot' stories about myself.  When she first handed that fabric to me, I took one look and thought how cute...little porcelain potties.  No, idiot, turn the fabric right side up...they're toasters!  Hey, I've never claimed to be the brightest crayon in the box, okay?

Personally, I think the world would be a happier place if we all got paid and could pay our bills in fabric.  Nothing lights up my face like the notion of fondling quality fiber goods.  And I may just be ecstatic about going to work.

Happy quilting, y'all!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

A Dog's Tale

Unbeknownst to me, there's a certain protocol to which I must adhere when accosted by a stray dog.  According to my spouse, after said encounter, I must be able to answer the following pertinent queries:

  • How close was the dog to my person?
  • How big was the dog?
  • Did the dog have tags?
  • What color was the dog?
  • Did the dog appear rabid?
  • Was the dog male or female?
  • In what direction did the dog flee?
He's serious.  This is a good time to point out that my husband can hear a gnat's ass land on his 1968 hot rod but a band of Vikings could lay seige to our living room and he wouldn't bat an eye.  Do you think he heard me screaming ten feet away from him?  That's a negative, Ghost Rider.

Anyway, with the above guidelines firmly in mind, my next in the pitch-black darkness of early morning stray dog encounter will go a little something like this...

Well, good morning snarling, stocky, impossibly large stray animal who has unknowingly invaded my territory!  Whatever are you doing so very far away from my utterly defenseless, fat suburban mom self?  Come closer.  Here, chew on my shin bone while I check you for tags.  I wouldn't want to kick the living shit of out you if we're neighbors now would I?  What's that...are you drooling?  No.  No, that appears to be copious amounts of foam overflowing those incredibly sharp canines you've sunk into my leg.  Thank goodness I remembered to shave my legs and put on clean underpants.  Oh,'re simply not close enough for me to admire your shaggy, mangy coat!  Here, hold on to my neck.  No, no, here so you cut off my oxygen supply and render me unconscious.  Say, it that the hot new summer color from L'Oreal you're sporting?  You look smashing, darling; Joan Rivers would be so proud that it coordinates with your bloodshot eyes.  Now, come just a wee might closer so we can see which team you're on...ooopsies!  You're all boy aren't you, big guy!  Now, I'll need an itinerary so Dear Hubby will know where to find my remains you've so painstakingly dragged into the underbrush.  What's're going to devour me on my front lawn?  How thoughtful!  You knew I hadn't packed an overnight bag.

Dear Hubby thought all this was wildly entertaining.  Jerk!  What exactly did you expect me to do, run outside in my underwear and shoot it? he snarked.

You know, that's not a bad idea.  Then again, I better remember to ask the dog if he has a wife and kids first.

Ouch Dammit!

Friday morning, Co-Defendant #2 had a poetry recital where, complete with props, she recited Daddy Fell Into The Pond by Alfred Noyes with poise and confidence.  I was so proud.  And if you're interested, I can recite the damn thing in my sleep.  By recital day, I was ready to shove Daddy into the pond and hold him under.  Bad mommy...

Afterward, the mommies all gathered round their respective offspring for hugs and high fives and I was no exception.  Down the hall in her classroom there awaited a Mothers' Day reception where I'd perch myself on an impossibly tiny, hard plastic chair and partake of a cupcake and Kool-Aid and try my hand at conversation with women with whom I had absolutely nothing in common.  Well, other than an obnoxious seven year old, of course.

There she stood with a shy smile and pink cheeks as I congratulated her on a job well done.

Then she said:  I don't mean to be rude, but I don't want you to come.  I don't want to be embarrassed.  Would you please just leave?  I'll give you twenty kisses when I get home, okay?  Bye, Mom and waited expectantly for me to get the hell out

I'd heard the expression like being stabbed in the heart and now I knew firsthand what that meant.  THAT FRIGGIN' HURT!  I couldn't believe what I was hearing, pausing to ask her to clarify what she meant only to have her assure me what she wanted was for me to leave.  Bye-bye...ta-ta...see ya later.  Talk about don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!  After calling my mother who totally got the magnitude of what I was experiencing and my husband on whom the whole concept was totally lost, I went home and got my mad on.  I so did not sign up for this shit.  Not fair shouted my inner child as she stamped her foot. 

I came to the conclusion that for her, school was her domain and she didn't want Mom to be a part of it.  Fair enough, but I didn't have to like it.  My work schedule doesn't allow for me to put in many school appearances so when I'm able, I go. 

She got in the car at pickup time and informed me she'd missed me terribly after I left and was sorry she'd made me go.

Crickets chirping...

Let me get this straight, I said.  Your exact words were...I want you to go.  I don't want to be embarrassed.  I left as you requested.  You got what you wanted.

Dead silence.  Even my son, the master of Blunt and Thoughtless, was stunned into silence.  I caught the  sideways Holy crap glance he directed at his sister and knew she was squirming like a fish on a hook.  I let her know that while she was allowed to express her thoughts and feelings, her delivery was a bit off and my feelings were hurt.  She was apologizing before I even finished my spiel.  I informed them that given the opportunity, I would be present at school functions but that I solemnly swore I would not pick my nose, scratch my butt or fart...uttered with my right hand raised.

They are satisfied.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Paige's PJs

Here's a picture of the Princess and her baby doll Sally in the new pajamas my Mom made for them at quilt retreat.  To say this is the only time this child ever wears anything remotely girly would be an understatement.  I think they make a cute pair...

I haven't touched a fabric scrap or sewing machine since I got home Sunday, so I'm off to clean up the horrid mess that is my dining room.

I'm linking to Richard Quilts and Confessions of a Fabric Addict and Amy Lou Who.  Check them out for the latest on what other talented people have in the works!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Geez That's Ancient!

It's Dear Hubby's 42nd birthday today.  Actually, he said when he hit forty he started counting backwards so in his eyes he's forty again. they ever grow up? 

The kids and I took him out to dinner to Texas Roadhouse where he had his all time favorite: chicken fried steak.  I'm just grateful he didn't want to go to Hooters.  I consider it a personal victory that I've never set foot inside a Chuck-E-Cheese or a Hooters.  I know, I know...but it's the little victories, right?

Daddy, the Co-Defendants and Lulu

Dear Hubby and his hot really, I'm sweating

Happy birthday, dear!


Tuesday, May 1, 2012


I wish I'd had my new (bifocal) glasses for quilt retreat so I'd be a little more used to them.  Who knew it took that long to craft new lenses?  At first, I couldn't tell much difference but I've discovered going up and down stairs is a bit of a crapshoot right now.  People were probably wondering what I was on...hey, I'm high on life, okay!!  And turning my head from side to side is a HUGE no-no...I'm really gonna have to learn to slow down.  Who knew you could get nauseous just standing still?  The tech at the optometrist's optimistically said everything would even out in about a week.  I think she lied, but she told me they looked nice on me so...

What do you think?  Meh...I'm not sure.  #2 told me she missed my old glasses already and #1 has yet to notice.  We'll see how long it takes DH to notice them.  I've often said the only way to get his attention is to lay naked across the hood of his '68 Roadrunner but he'd only notice to tell me not to scratch the paint.

Maybe they'll grow on me.

Then again, so does fungus.