And They Wonder Why I Drink

You know, I've always accepted this parenting business ain't for wimps and the older my kids get the more I realize that the job of parenting is like a roller coaster.  One minute, it's exhilirating and my ass has left the seat with the force of all those gs; the next, I just wanna launch my lunch.  No wonder I've always hated the damn things.

What the hell is the world coming to?  I accept not everyone lives the way we do.  I get it.  Not everyone lives in a straight, mommy and daddy living in the same house as man and wife, WASP environment.  Fair enough.  As the kids have gotten older, I've had to explain divorce and the single parent household; the same sex parent household; and the racially diverse household.  It's all good; I'm an adult and I can handle it.  I've explained the standard 'these are your parts and no one touches 'em ever' rigamarole.  But someone please explain to me the precociousness of today's children.  It's ridiculous that some parents treat kids as mini-adults. 

NEWS FLASH: they aren't mini-adults.  That's why we call them CHILDREN!

For several years, I've had an eye on a friend of my son's.  It's unkind, but the child has future hootchie written all over her to the point I've cornered the mother and told her to have a talk with her child about boundaries and keeping her hands to herself.  It's no surprise, considering the environment she lives in, however, no amount of me saying (politely, mind you) 'knock it off' seems to work.  I feel shitty for feeling the way I do and yes, I genuinely feel badly for this child.  She gets shuttled to our house when mommy's boyfriend du jour is on the premises or to her grandparents' for weeks on end.  If this child's clothes got any tighter, they'd qualify as skin and she's constantly all over my son.  It's to the point I feel like a warden watching over the inmates when she's over to play.  What kind of 10 year old child (no, I'm not joking) acts like a hustling twentysomething?!  Today, she flatout asked if she could spent the night as my son's guest. 

Pardon me whilst I scrape my jaw off the pavement.


W-T-F?!

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!?  Let me think about it a minute...um, HELL NO!

Am I missing something here?  Would you let your kid have an opposite sex friend spend the night?  When I blindsided Himself with the whole conversation, he had the same reaction to the sleepover question, but still feels it's perfectly okay that they continuing playing together.  I say the difference between 10 and 13 is huge and that's the end of that.  On the other hand, maybe if she's away from home more she'll start acting like a normal 10 year old.  What do you think?  Am I wrong?

Where's the wine?

Mini Finish

The Diva, through the insanity generosity of Gramma and Papa, will be getting an American Girl doll this Christmas.  This, for a child who firmly believes she's a boy...go figure!  Anyhoo, Wonder Mom (that'd be Gramma) is making clothes for the doll in question and I decided the doll needed a quilt.  Naturally.

I finished the flimsy a few minutes ago.  Hey, I'm having to pace myself since The Diva and I went out, against my better judgment, to Black Friday at Joann's.  Here's my finish...

I made it from scraps from the Christmas wreath I made.  It's wonky and imperfect and I love it. 

I'm linking up with the fine folks at Confessions of a Fabric Addict, Richard Quilts and Sewing by Moonlight for TGIFF.

Happy quilting, y'all!

Thanksgiving Blessings

I hope you're stuffed full of turkey, pumpkin pie and lots of love today. 

Do you have room left over for some prayers and have you counted your blessings?

I'm lifting up some folks today who need some good news...

J's mom, who has brain cancer
L's husband, who has throat cancer
A's husband, who lost his job

As for blessings, The Co-Defendants will try and say 'Nintendo DS', but y'all know what I mean.  So, here's my short list...

God.  I'm grateful he doesn't shoot lightning bolts from heaven like I thought He did when I was a kid.

The Co-Defendants...even when they don't get along (that's all the time) and roll their eyes (that's all the time, too) and when they grant me hugs and kisses (under threat of severe embarrassment)

Himself...I'm a lucky devil (so's he)

And Lulu (even though I don't like dogs, you're my favorite child...just quit pooping in my laundry room.  On second thought, if you gotta go, linoleum is THE place to do it..thanks for being so considerate)

Blogging buddies!  Those sweet folks who remind me I'm never too young to get checked for cancer (thanks, Mary!); that God's got it covered so quit worrying (thanks, Etty!) and that I'm not a total loss in the mommy department (everybody)!

And before anyone goes and gets all offended, yes, I'm grateful for extended family (sorry no pictures...they're all too scary...just kidding) and my job (again no picture, but no one needs to see my boss, do they?)

Count your blessings, squeeze your loved ones (at least until they shut up or go to sleep...just make sure they're still breathing) and eat more pie!

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

Wreath Wrappin'

I made this wreath last night as a gift exchange for the quilting bee I belong to, The Happy Stitchers.  Our party's December 13th and I'm fairly impressed I didn't wait 'til the last minute to get it done.

The pattern, 'No-Sew Wreath', is from the Winter 2012 issue of Quilts and More magazine.  For no sew, it was still quite a bit of work.  I cut 1"x 8" strips 'til I thought the world looked level and then wrapped each of the four wire forms with the strips.  I'm now convinced I have arthritis or carpal tunnel or both. 

It feels like it's missing something but I'm afraid if I keep adding frippery and bling it'll look like it belongs in a bordello instead of on a respectable suburban front door.  Any suggestions?

Next time, if there is a next time, I'll use a smaller wire form.  And instead of scrappy, a color scheme of 2-3 colors would be better IMHO.  I hope my buddy likes it.

Twi-Not

Someone please enlighten me, philistine that I am, and explain the appeal of the Twilight saga.

Himself, whom I consider to be a towering pillar of levelheadedness in an otherwise batshit-crazy universe, loves the Twilight movies.  Not in a teenage-girl sense (that'd just be creepy) but as a connoisseur (his word) of vampire flicks.  Of course, this is the same man who enjoys watching Duel with Dennis Hopper.  Never heard of it?  Don't worry...you haven't missed anything.  

Explain to me the sex appeal of Robert Pattinson, bearing in mind you're speaking to a woman who thinks Brad Pitt and George Clooney are unattractive.  Call me weird, go ahead.  Sure, Pattinson's got the accent, but otherwise he needs a comb and a shave.  I wanna hold him down and give him a good spray tan...day glo orange side effects be damned!  What am I missing here?  And what's this crap about him being 'sparkly'?  The only man who comes to mind at the word 'sparkly' is Liberace.

Then there's Kristen Stewart.  I swear the chick's made of plastic (like Barbie without the boobs) because her expression never changes through the whole thing.  If I ever run into her (and pray that I don't) I'm gonna offer her a stool softener and bottle of water. Who wouldn't sport a crabby expression being all stove up (my grandmother's expression) like that?

And last, there's the toothsome Taylor Lautner.  It's hard to find sex appeal there without crossing over into pervert territory considering my daughter's current favorite movie stars an elementary-age Taylor.  Does The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl ring bells for anyone?  Probably not.  Just be grateful you've missed it.  I, however, have seen it so many times I can recite the lines in my sleep.

Maybe in another twenty years or so it'll all make sense.  After all, as a teenager I never understood my mother's swooning over Tom Selleck in his Magnum P.I. shorts.  Seeing him in Robert B. Parker's 'Jesse Stone' movies, I now totally get it.  YOU WERE RIGHT MA! 

Twenty years?  Yeah, maybe then it'll make sense 'cause right now it just makes me gag.