Monday, January 16, 2012


It happens every evening, regular as clockwork or so the expression goes.  You'd think, by now, I would've learned to adapt and overcome, but I am by nature a slow learner.  Every day the thought will pop into my head in so many hours, we'll all be home together, tucked into our little house, just the four of us and the dog.  Peace at last will reign in my little corner of the universe and all will be well.

So, my shift ends and I commence ticking off chores on my to-do list until time to pick the Co-Defendants up from school.  Right now, Mondays and Wednesdays mean basketball practice after school; Tuesdays mean games.  And so our afternoons consist of some variation of homework-chores-eat-bathe-bed with some fun thrown in to appease the rampaging natives.  But somewhere in happens.  More specifically it happens when Dad walks through the door after a busy day at work.  And so begins, once again, the Co-Defs campaign to drive me out of my friggin' mind.  The louder, faster, grosser, more obnoxious the behavior, the better.  For them, bodily expulsions noises should rate as Olympic sport.  I have not raised them to be this is their father's fault.  I'm just stating this for future reference when they somehow, someway, someday find some poor schmuck to marry them, when aforementioned schmuck stands in front of me wanting to know who's responsible for this ghastly behavior, I can point to my spouse and say 'blame him!' I did my best.  It's almost like they've decided it's three ring circus time and DH is the ring master.  I suppose that makes me a clown, only I don't feel fact, I feel rather like a Stephen King version of clown. 

Does anyone else want to hide away like I do from all the fuss and furor that is evening time?  Some days, my thoughts will turn to the lowly turtle and I so envy him and his shell where he can tuck his head in and shut the world out!  Of course, should he wind up on his back, he's trapped...dinner for a scavenger or a hockey puck for a passing car.

I'm here now, earplugs firmly in place, enjoying the quiet, or at least trying to because I feel exceptionally guilty for eschewing the raucous sounds of my offspring in favor of that ever-fleeting smidgen of peace I so jealously guard.  No, I'm not having a toilet moment (eeeww!), but I am in the bathroom. 

Do other mothers feel this way or is it just me?

Occasionally, I'll catch a glimpse of our dog, Lulu in what I can only call a contemplative moment on her part.  Her dark soulful eyes gaze into mine and I swear I can hear her say 'You poor bastard, you need a shell'.


Get. A. Shell. Already!


  1. I can sympathize because my 27 year old boy was ALL BOY, and he was loud. My daughter is more quiet but her father does manage to bring out her inner child and there are body noise contests here too. At times I retreat even now, and she is almost 16. The only thing I can say is that this too shall pass, and before too long (or too soon, believe me) your noisy bunch will be grown up and away and you will wish with all your might for a little raucous noise in your home.

  2. I have two boys 14 and 10 and my husband. The body noise are bad here too. And yes they drive me to retreat to my sewing room at times. I laughed hard and what you wrote. Thanks, good to know we all seem to have to go thought it.