Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Mr. Postman, Stop My Nightmare

I am beginning to dread the daily trek to the mailbox.  Granted, the postman will occasionally grace its dark confines with a quilt magazine or Connecting Threads catalog (pitty-pat goes my heart).  Even the bills, junk mail or random critter have nothing on the one piece of post guaranteed to pee on my parade. 

It's an American Girl catalog.

For a girl who eschews all things pink, frilly or feminine, you'd think Co-Def 2's lip would curl in derision at the very thought of anything doll related.  We are, after all, talking about the kid who gave that silicone infused beeotch who has everything, Barbie, green striped zebra hair 'to make her pretty'.

But these aren't your average dolls.  No, no, no.  We're talking 'spensive' dolls here now with outfits ranging from vintage to couture with accessories and price tags to match.  Plus, these little beauties must have a stand to keep them upright 'cause two feet aren't enough, a carrying case because only commoners are carried in a child's arms and bedding because who the heck wants to share a twin-sized bed with a living, breathing child.  Let the kid sleep on the floor...and let them eat cake!  Oh, wait, that was Marie Antoinette.  Sorry.

For what one of them would wind up costing me, I could just pop out Co-Def #3 and call it a day.  Oh, hell-to-the-no y'all!

So, you can kinda understand my snatching the offensive catalog from her hand and lobbing it into the nearest trash receptacle while muttering hysterically 'Who put this crappy Fisher-Price junk in here-don't they know that's for babies?!  Nothing to see here!  Move along!!'  She eyed me rather suspiciously kinda like she did the day I told her the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy owned a time-share property in Florida with Santa Claus that they shared during the off-season.  Hey, she wanted to know if they all lived together.  I can't remember names, much less who lives where, okay??

Now every afternoon, it's a race to see who gets to the mailbox first.  One of these days she's gonna win.  It still takes her a while to get outta the car considering I'm the one with the keyless remote, but she's getting faster at extricating herself.

Yep, I'm a Bad Mommy.


  1. I'm so with you on this. My daughter is 15 now but all her friends had the AG doll. We refused to spend more on a doll than we would on a new bike for her!

  2. We have thankfully passed the American Girl doll stage! But lucky for us, her dolls and many of the accessories/clothing were purchased by Grandma! She even took us to the store in NYC and had tea for my daughter's 6th birthday. It was fun for my daughter but the whole materialism thing there was quite overwhelming. On the other hand, I do like some of the AG books and craft kits that you can find at Barnes & Noble and Michael's craft stores. We have an AG book called The Care & Keeping of You (includes adolescence, health and emotions)-- and I really like reading it with my daughter.

  3. Your time-share idea for Santa, the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy is too funny!!

  4. We were lucky to skip the American Girl craze as well (phew!), but my bff's daughter was full into it and lucky for her, she had a rich doting aunt. @Elisa, we borrowed the AG book from them when the time came and I agree. It's a really good book for adolescent girls and their uncomfortable moms.

    Ahh, the Tooth Fairy. Reminds me of the first time the Tooth Fairy forgot to come and the next night she had to write a note explaining that she was stuck in Tooth Fairy Traffic. And then there was the time when she got sick and her sub was a slacker, once again resulting in a one day delay. Notice a trend here?

  5. @Elisa and Z, I know the book you're talking about and will keep it in mind for 'later'. Right now, she'll have to just to be happy with the AG book series since there's no one on Earth I'm buying one of those dolls.

    As for the Tooth Fairy, she leaves the $$ in the living room (I'm scared to death to walk in there at night for fear I'll break a leg). I tried to tell this to Co-Def #2 and her reply was 'Doesn't the Tooth Fairy fly?' Why yes, my astute little pidgeon, but she must land somewhere to deposit her bounty! She still gets worried that we'll roast Santa like a fat marshmallow as he's coming down the chimney if we have a fire going...eeek!