Thursday, August 25, 2011

Quilt Retreat Makes My Car Bloat

If ever there's physical proof that hope springs eternal, look no further than the boxes, duffel bags and wheeled suitcases that many quilters lug to a quilt retreat.  Exactly how much do they believe they'll get accomplished in roughly two and a half days of sewing?  Unless, of course, they're one of those lucky ducks that go for a week long doozy or book a quilting cruise.  For those folks, I say 'You suck' 'Have a swell time and bring me a souvenir!'

I, for one, pack like I'm leaving home for a 365-day-straight globe-trotting Mom packs like she's never going home. 

So far, I've got:
  • 5 quilts that need to have the binding stitched down (by hand, 'cause that's how I roll)
  • my crazymomquilts quilt-along W.I.P. that needs sashing and borders
  • a comfort quilt still in need of its outer border; backing fabrics have been chosen, but I'll have to piece them
  • 1 batiks mini-sampler to assemble
  • 1 mini-tablerunner that needs binding
  • and a partridge in a pear tree

And, oh yes, my sewing machine...duh!!  Ask me about the time I got to a quilt class and forgot the foot pedal.  On second thought, don't...I might kill you with my Death Ray Glare.  As you can see from the photo above, everything I need for retreat fits neatly on my kitchen table.  Yeah, right...

Packing for a quilt retreat is an occasion for me to deliver my Sermon on the Mount of Fabric myself, at least, because there's certainly no one else listening.  If history is any indication, I won't listen to that inner voice that shrieks 'Enough already!'  Come time to leave, my little Pontiac Vibe will be straining to contain every bag, box and basket I've crammed into it's measly interior.  My internal dialogue goes something like this: What if you run out of things to work on?  Whatever would you do then?  Well, DUH, I'd run to the nearest quilt shop and make my credit card squeal...again!!  My Mama didn't raise no fool, ya'll! 

Would it be unreasonable for me to rent a U-Haul trailer?


  1. You crack me up!! That is the funniest post. I love your new header with the "co-defendants". Okay that's hilarious that you forgot the foot pedal, but I assume there must have been an extra machine somewhere. By the way, as I'm cracking up at your post, I start reading some to my Hubster. He thinks the best line is in your "About Me" descriptionL "my hisband says I'm only nice to strangers." Had to point that out to him b/c the same is true here-- he gets to see my true colors. Have a great and productive quilt retreat!!

  2. When I've utterly lost my cool, I can't remember given names or nicknames and, because they won't just confess and get it over with, they are The's the little things that make me smile :) Hubby just looks at me like I've finally gone totally over the edge, so it's gratifying when someone gets my humor! I must say, however, the first time I used the term, Hubby knew EXACTLY who I talking about.

  3. Have fun at your quilt retreat!! So Jealous :) Sounds like you have plenty to keep yourself busy while you are there. Can't wait to see the finished items-especially your Crazy Mom quilt! And like you said--if you finish it all, a drive to the nearest quilt shop will solve that problem ;)

  4. And then there's the teeny tiny bag containing the non-essentials like your jammies, toothbrush, clean undies, etc. Oh, don't forget the snacks! You need fuel for those quilting marathons. Have fun - wish I were there.

    Aunt Doris

  5. It's such a shame I have to waste precious sewing time bathing, eating, and sleeping...and think of how much trunk space is WASTED by the duffel with all those stupid clothes and toiletries inside when I could shove one more project in its spot instead. Most retreats, I don't finish an entire project so I'm hoping, this time, to get at least one thing D-O-N-E!