That's All Folks!

I've finally finished binding the last three baby quilts.  I love small projects; not quite 'instant gratification', but pretty darn close.  With these out of the way, I can make room for other projects to take to retreat.  Decisions, decisions...

Co-Defendant #2...this is as close to pink as she'll ever get

Tastes Like Chicken

Extensive scientific observation, which is to say, mothering, has taught me that children are a lot like politicians.  Most are charming, persuasive and, typically, as is the case with my kids, pretty darn good lookin', too.  The flip side is that they can be (and usually are) sneaky, underhanded and conniving.  Bill Clinton's got nothing on my kids 'cause they can shade the crummy truth 'til the finished product resembles a Rembrandt painting, ya'll.  If either of the Co-Defendants ever ran for public office, they'd win for sure.  Although unspoken, they're philosophy is 'What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.'  See, what'd I tell you?  Politicians, for sure.

Things routinely go missing in our home, only to pop up in the oddest locations.  Scotch tape in the underwear drawer.  A mini-set of screwdrivers gettin' down with the Legos.  Glue?  Scissors?  Nail clippers?  Check the kids' rooms first...and get back to me when you find out where they've hidden my sanity.

So, yesterday afternoon, it should've come as no surprise that, when I needed one most, I couldn't find a band-aid to save my life.  For the record, I don't keep them in the bathroom where they belong.  No, no.  I hide them because the Co-Defendants consider them fashion accessories, not medical devices. 

I ranted, I raved; no one confessed.  Are you surprised? 

Two hours later, despite both kids' rooms being ransacked, no band-aids,  but, you could see carpet...at least, I think it's carpet, it's been so long.  AND they learned something new...trashcans are for....TRASH!  Who knew all that crap wasn't supposed to go UNDER THE BED?!

Exhausted and peeved, I sat while Dear Hubby made dinner.  If that's part of what it's like to be a man, sign me up 'cause I could sooo get used to someone else slingin' the hash...that and the being able to pee standing up thing they do.  Fifteen minutes into my Post-Rant rant, I got one of those feelings that can be summed up thusly: Oh, sh*t!  Trudging to the nearest cabinet, I found, cleverly ensconced in a dry-goods canister, my stash of band-aids.

Sorry, Hubby, I'm not gonna be hungry 'cause I'm havin' crow tonight....YUMMO!

Just Add Caffeine

My eyes are scratchy, neck stiff, head pounding, fingers sore. 

You'd think, by age 37, Id've learned NOT to stay up until the wee hours of the morning.  What can I say?  It's my Mother's fault.  She made  me go to Bee last night, so by the time I got home, I'd gotten my second wind...that, and I flipped over to Lifetime Movie Network and got hooked on one of those true crime dramas. (Wow, thanks kids, for teaching me how to shift the blame!) 

I managed to cram in some shut-eye before rousing the Co-Defendants to get ready for school, hoping their eyeballs wouldn't roll back in the sockets, heads pitching forward into bowls of apple crunch cereal I'd groggily shoved into their haggard faces.

So, what do I have to show for three whole hours of sleep?

Two bound quilts...and that hangover feeling without the alcohol consumption.  Pass the aspirin.

Quilt Retreat Makes My Car Bloat

If ever there's physical proof that hope springs eternal, look no further than the boxes, duffel bags and wheeled suitcases that many quilters lug to a quilt retreat.  Exactly how much do they believe they'll get accomplished in roughly two and a half days of sewing?  Unless, of course, they're one of those lucky ducks that go for a week long doozy or book a quilting cruise.  For those folks, I say 'You suck' 'Have a swell time and bring me a souvenir!'

I, for one, pack like I'm leaving home for a 365-day-straight globe-trotting adventure...my Mom packs like she's never going home. 

So far, I've got:

• 5 quilts that need to have the binding stitched down (by hand, 'cause that's how I roll)
• my crazymomquilts quilt-along W.I.P. that needs sashing and borders
• a comfort quilt still in need of its outer border; backing fabrics have been chosen, but I'll have to piece them
• 1 batiks mini-sampler to assemble
• 1 mini-tablerunner that needs binding
• and a partridge in a pear tree

And, oh yes, my sewing machine...duh!!  Ask me about the time I got to a quilt class and forgot the foot pedal.  On second thought, don't...I might kill you with my Death Ray Glare.  As you can see from the photo above, everything I need for retreat fits neatly on my kitchen table.  Yeah, right...

Packing for a quilt retreat is an occasion for me to deliver my Sermon on the Mount of Fabric speech...to myself, at least, because there's certainly no one else listening.  If history is any indication, I won't listen to that inner voice that shrieks 'Enough already!'  Come time to leave, my little Pontiac Vibe will be straining to contain every bag, box and basket I've crammed into it's measly interior.  My internal dialogue goes something like this: What if you run out of things to work on?  Whatever would you do then?  Well, DUH, I'd run to the nearest quilt shop and make my credit card squeal...again!!  My Mama didn't raise no fool, ya'll! 

Would it be unreasonable for me to rent a U-Haul trailer?

Resolution Update

The Co-Defendants and I were up bright and early this morning and, as threatened, I forced them to perform strenuous feats of manual labor...for all of about 45 minutes.  The dishwasher was unloaded and most of the house had been cleaned by the time Hubby staggered from the bedroom.  Being a generous lot, we saved the bathroom clean-up for him (smile). 

Which left the rest of the day for the kids to veg out in front of the TV or attach themselves to a DS (bad mom! badbadbadmom!) and left me time to sew the binding on these lap/crib-sized quilts...

My (only) New Year's Resolution was to complete one charity quilt per month for 2011...the quilts above make numbers 10, 11, 12, 13, and 14.    YESSSS!!