I'm With Stupid..Oh Wait I AM Stupid

Let me just throw this one out there for your amusement...

I am not the brightest crayon in the box, the sharpest tool in the shed, the brightest bulb in the fixture.

There, I've said it.

I was so excited at the prospect of participating in Saturday Morning Sew In, that I neglected to pay closer attention to the exact DATE of said event.  Please refer back to the second line of this post before I go any further.  I'll wait while you catch your breath from all that snickering.

Sigh...so, this now makes TWO online get-togethers I've utterly flunked: Friday Night Sew In (where I fell asleep) and Saturday Morning Sew In (on the wrong date).  Well, at least the Creator ensures there's plenty of fodder for the old blog, right...and they say He has no sense of humor!

Anyway, in my exuberance to participate, I managed to get this finished and I'm not backing down now!  Let 'em kick me out for being a ninny, but at least I'm no slacker!

Turbo-sewing the binding down

The whole premise is to sew in the morning, eschewing activities more responsible folks would take care of first like laundry or loading the dishwasher.  Sissies!  I say quilt now, wash later and that's exactly what happened.  Last weekend.  What a moron!



Anyway, my quilt 'Pretty Maids Row by Row' is all done and I love it.  The strips came from one of those Moda scrap bags.  Please don't ask which fabric line because I have no freakin' clue.  I can't even get the date right...you expect me to remember the name of the line, too?!  I wouldn't take those odds to Vegas, baby.  I did an allover quilting motif of flowers of various sizes.  I am quite proud.  And bright, too as it turns out.

Happy quilting, y'all!

Taking Sympathy to an All New Level

Dear Etty,

I wanted you to know how sympathetic I've felt about your bum foot.  It's gotta stink having a hard time getting around, not to mention how it interferes with your sewing.  With that in mind, I managed to slip, twist and crash in my all-time favorite place this morning...the bathtub.  No wonder my kids hate bathing...the place is dangerous!

Anyway, one bone's broken (the doctor 'thinks'...can't you tell for certain from an x-ray?!) and it's turning a lovely shade of mauve.  Crikey, I need a pedicure!  I got this nifty boot and classy pair of crutches.  Yay me!

I'd try and milk this for some sympathy from Himself, but I swear the man's not got a sympathetic bone in his body.  Unless of course he's the one that's ill/injured.  Anyhoo...

Glad yours is on the mend and in a couple of weeks, mine'll be as good as new, too!

Fondly,
Stephanie

Hello Latvia!

Let me confess right up front that I'm in the funkiest mood today this side of ever.  I'm on the other side of needing a Xanax (but haven't taken one so approach me with extreme caution) but on this side of needing a straight jacket.  Let's face it, I don't need to sport a look that makes me look even thicker around the middle than I already am.  Yep, I'm in one of Those Moods.  I'm wiped out from work and the OMG I can't take no more part of me that is a Mommy is letting the Co-Defendants veg out in front of the TV...which leaves me to contemplate those questions in my mind that I occasionally let out for others to enjoy.  This means you get to scratch your head and thank the Lord above that you aren't me.  Or maybe you wish you could be like me, because honestly, I make cuckoo kinda chic.

Here's what's rattling around inside the cranium this afternoon....if you blog, do you ever pay attention to your audience?  I like to see who's looking over my shoulder and possibly laughing hysterically while I and the family (but mostly me) lose our ever-lovin' minds.  Most days, the number of U.S. visitors far exceeds those from any other country which is to be expected since I am an American and we're a nosy friendly bunch.  Not so, today.  Today, the Latvians are all over My Imperfect Life.  Which begs the question...

Am I really that funny, interesting, charming, gorgeous...yes, please feel free to substitute whatever colorful descriptive you feel.  Or are you bored out of your mind and looking for something to knock you out for a quick nap?  I'm not sure I've ever even met a Latvian.  Albanians, Aussies (Lord love 'em and their awesome accents), Brits, Germans and New Yorkers?  Sure, I've met some of them, but never a Latvian.  My loss, I suppose.  So, hello Latvia, hope you guys are having an awesome day!

Well, that's that.  I hope I've given you an incentive to check out your blog's audience (and express gratitude for your own mental stability).  If anything, it gives me an excuse to get out the old atlas and find out where some of these countries are located.  Sorry, geography isn't my thing.

And for one last laugh I give you...

Co-Defendant #1 in a parka.  It was 102 degrees the day I took the picture.  Does this give you any idea how cold it is in my house?!  Hey, if I'm gonna be a little looney, at least I can be cool, too ;)

Happy Thursday, y'all!

Color Me Aggravated

I so enjoy sharing with others the crazy crap my children pull, usually at school...and then I go and do something stupid all on my own.  Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?  Sigh.

So, I was basking in the glow after cutting out ten quilt backs over Spring Break and finally managed to get one on the machine Saturday...yay me!

Just a portion of the 7 million HST I made from Thangles

I was really feeling the quilting mojo here

So, tell me what's wrong with THIS picture...

Yes, the backing is a full inch and a half too short.  Why, you may ask.  If only I had an answer.  I employed the measure twice, cut once philosophy but apparently for those of us in the Gifted and Talented category of quilters, it should be measure thrice cut once and then go get an adult to check your measurements.

So, I'm now in the process of piecing a strip to the backing and then it's back to the machine.  I'm hoping this is the only one of the bunch.  Then again, karma is not kind.

Happy quilting, y'all!

Beauty or Beast?

I took the plunge last night and tried out a New York Beauty block with mixed results.  Since I am somewhat acquainted with curved piecing, I figured this block would be a cinch.  Ah, stupid, stupid girl.

The paper pieced spikes were no big deal, but the directional fabric came back to bite me (and even my grandmother's adage 'they'll never notice it on a galloping horse' would not apply here no matter how much I'd like for it to) and there's not enough contrast in my selections.  Lessons learned.

So today, between piecing more backing fabric (will it ever end?) and with the kids riding the rails with Gramma and Papa, I decided I'd try again.  I like it, I like it alot. 

I can envision it in blues, greens, purples.  Would I make an entire quilt out of this block?  Probably not, but with the right combination of Xanax and wine there'd be a distinct possibility.  But never say never, right?

So...is it Beauty or is it Beast?  From a purely aesthetic standpoint, it's a Beauty.  From an assembly standpoint, let's just say Beast is the nicer term I could use.  Smile.

Happy quilting, y'all!

Something New

I keep telling myself that one day I will finish all the quilting projects I've begun before moving on to something new and exciting.

Today is not that day.

Every year my kids' school has a huge fundraiser with all sorts of goodies going up for auction.  I'm not sure how it happened, but I'm making a quilt as part of this annual effort. 

Actually, I do know how it happened...I opened my mouth.

Anyway, the theme has to do with 'wild' things, so here's the nuts and bolts of my 'wild' quilt.

I bought the pattern 'Center Court' several years back at The Quilt Haus in New Braunfels Texas and thought it would be perfect for the big-print focus fabric.  The dark green will be sashing; the tan on the far left is for the border.  The other four prints are for the pieced blocks.  I'm rather awful at picking out fabrics that play well with one another, but I feel pretty good about this grouping.  With luck, this will go together quickly and I can move on to a new project to that stack of WIPS glowering from the dark recesses of my sewing corner.

Happy quilting, y'all!

Biting Off More Than I Can Chew

How did women back in the day do it...quilting away, by hand no less, hunched over for hours on end?  Did they ever experience carpal tunnel syndrome?  Is there such a thing as quilter's elbow? 

I've started the handquilting on the sunflower quilt.  Sixty minutes later, I don't even have three complete circles finished and my hands feel like lead.  This crap's for the birds!  Twenty blocks?  Plus sashing?  Oh, damn!

Here's what I've got...

There's not much to see.  I purposely chose not to draw the quilting lines.  Don't ask me why, it just looks more authentic to me.  I'll wind up making about seven concentric circles, then filling in the remainder of the tan background with 'arcs'.

However, I'm beginning to think this is a bit too ambitious and may just wind up doing the concentric circles.  Maybe I'll stop at  five circles...maybe three.

Anybody have an opinion on this?  I'd like to hear it if you do...

Just Add Caffeine

My eyes are scratchy, neck stiff, head pounding, fingers sore. 

You'd think, by age 37, Id've learned NOT to stay up until the wee hours of the morning.  What can I say?  It's my Mother's fault.  She made  me go to Bee last night, so by the time I got home, I'd gotten my second wind...that, and I flipped over to Lifetime Movie Network and got hooked on one of those true crime dramas. (Wow, thanks kids, for teaching me how to shift the blame!) 

I managed to cram in some shut-eye before rousing the Co-Defendants to get ready for school, hoping their eyeballs wouldn't roll back in the sockets, heads pitching forward into bowls of apple crunch cereal I'd groggily shoved into their haggard faces.

So, what do I have to show for three whole hours of sleep?

Two bound quilts...and that hangover feeling without the alcohol consumption.  Pass the aspirin.